Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday Funnies!

They're back! Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with keyboards. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services.

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."

The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 P.M. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m.. - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7:00 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

6 comments:

Hott Books - Gina said...

Love it! Thanks for the laughs this morn.

Carman said...

Isn't it hilarious!?!?!? LOL. I love it!

Joan said...

Oh, those are too funny! I think I'll check our church bulletin. LOL!
Thank you Carman!

Renee said...

A couple of these made me laugh out loud!

Maureen said...

These are so funny...can you imagine the faces on the ones who put these in the bulletins?

Carman said...

Joan~ LOL. That's probably a good idea! ;)

Renee~ Oh, me too!

Maureen~ I cannot. LOL! Poor little old ladies were probably very shocked. ;)